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Government Information to the Rescue!

Are you so stressed you didn’t realize it was February already? Were you so busy working on your Legal Writing Brief that you forgot to get your sweetie a Valentine’s Day gift? Did the two of you agree no gifts this year, but then someone changed their mind?

Here’s a handy guide to get you off the hook, courtesy of published government information:

“Oh, sweetie, I didn’t want to get you candy this year – did you know that the CDC recommends avoiding sugary snacks? I just want to keep that gorgeous smile of yours gleaming & pain free! Because they also say that almost 25% of American adults report tooth pain in the six months, and that could be from cavities!” (While the CDC also provides relevant information, we do not recommend using concerns about the obesity rate in America as an excuse, incidentally.)

Conversation Hearts

If you don’t think dental health is a good approach, try another:

“You know, there are so many people with allergies, I just didn’t want to risk getting you flowers – pollen can trigger allergies or asthma! [If necessary: I know you’re not allergic, of course, but your roommate/officemate/neighbor might be seriously allergic and how would we know? I’d hate to make someone else miserable trying to show my love for you!]”

No273 13 Oct 2009 Sneeze

And if the stakes are a little higher, and someone’s expecting a shiny, expensive present, you can always pull the blood diamond card:

“How horrible would it be, if I professed my love with something so tainted? I just… I just…. can’t…. !!” (You’re on your own explaining why you can’t produce a conflict-free diamond.)

Diamond Age

Be advised: you must say any of these excuses with a great deal of charm and persuasion. But you’re in law school, so you’ve learned persuasion, and all of our Wake Forest students are naturally charming. Good luck, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

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